home  Message  History   ©  

words; how little they mean when you're a little too late

caraphatash:

This movie was better than I expected 

(Source: jenniferslaws, via spoopy-butsassy)

"   Stop saying it’s okay when your soul’s bleeding. Stop trying to dodge knives that always end up in the depths of your heart. Stop looking to the ceiling hoping that tears won’t overflow. Stop taking people’s shit. Walk away. Fuck them all.   "
E.B., Self advice (via young-wanderer)

(Source: loveless-people, via dreamerdreaming-love)

"  

The second time I overdosed,
my body couldn’t handle it,
and I threw it all up.
I texted my dad saying,
“I think I took a little too many pills”.

And every time I’ve overdosed,
I always downplay it.
I’ve always tried to act
like it wasn’t a big deal.

That having the urge to swallow a whole bottle of pills
was something daily that normal people do.
My dad hurried home and saw the empty bottle
and he shook me to make sure I was awake.
I kept mumbling “I threw it up.. I threw it up..”
while I was drifting off to sleep.
He had to wake me up every 15 minutes
to make sure I was okay.

Let me tell you now,
it is a big deal.

The third time I overdosed,
I slept through first and second period
and passed out in the counselor’s office.
I didn’t want to go to the ER.
I just wanted to go home.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
Again, I just said,
“I think I took too many pills this morning.”

The fifth time I overdosed,
my dad found the empty pill box.
I hallucinated, I had a fever.
I couldn’t move my legs.
All I could do was scream,
“Don’t take me to the hospital this time.
I don’t want to go!”

I became friends with a girl who had overdosed
she’s one of my best friends now
and when I heard she was hospitalized as well,
it just makes me realize how real this problem is.

A couple months ago, another friend of mine overdosed.
Do you realize how fucked up it is,
that I’ve done it so many times
that I know the exact procedure that she’s going to go through?
She messaged me saying,
“I took a bunch of pills,
but I just realized I didn’t want to die.
I don’t know what to do.
Help.”

And I’m screaming at her over the screen
that she should throw it up and call 911
because sometimes when someone you love
decides that they hate the world,
that’s all you can do.
You can’t teleport through the phone.
You can’t travel through the internet.
You can’t be there to hold them
and take them to the hospital.

Your love is not charcoal that can
absorb all their poison in their life.
I know, love that you would have done all you could.
Sometimes words aren’t enough.
Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Sometimes a person needs to try dying
to know that that’s not really what they want.
There’s nothing you could have done.
You’ve done all you could.
Just keep loving them.

But you see the thing is,
I got lucky.
I’ve made it back from 5 overdoses
without a scratch on me.
But that’s not always the case.
My favorite teacher’s stepdaughter
locked herself in her room and overdosed.

To this day,
her stepmother still has a scar on her heart.
To this day,
on the anniversary of her death,
her stepmother still stays home from school
on the anniversary of her death.
Her sister is in a bad mental state,
and so is her biological mother.
Her family has fallen apart.

You overdose because you think
you will get a peaceful release from death.
It’s not peaceful.
It is not like falling asleep.
It is convulsions, vomiting,
muscle spasms, fevers,
and sharp stomach pains.

An overdose is not instant.

Hollywood has you believing,
that an overdose
is how a lady should exit the world.
As quiet as she came in,
Peaceful and unnoticed.

You will go out kicking and screaming
and wishing you hadn’t taken them.

  "

6:03 p.m. (I think I’m done overdosing)

This needs more notes.

(via face-your-destiny)

This will forever be my favourite poem. So relatable.

(via fuckmentaldisorder)

(Source: angryasianfeminist, via the-fault-in-our-sadness)

"   He will brush against your thigh and pretend that he didn’t, and he’ll look you in the eyes and tell you he likes them. He will take the band out of your ponytail because he likes your hair long, he will let you listen to his favourite song and it will get stuck in your head. He will kiss your lips until they are numb and he will hold your hands until they go numb too. Don’t watch the sunset with him, because you won’t be able to watch it again without missing the smell of his cologne. Don’t make him call you by your nickname, because afterwards you won’t be able to hear it. Your heart will be heavy and so will your head but just remember you were beautiful before he said so.   "
some advice i gave to a friend (via desc-end)

(via madilikestoparty-x)

reckless-and-youngg:

🔫

(Source: sizvideos)

"   I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you.   "
Alexandra Bracken, Never Fade (via petrichour)

(Source: larmoyante, via madilikestoparty-x)